Our Little Dominic

I have been missing little Dominic this week, so I thought I would write a blog post about him to help me remember all the details.

On December 17th, Paul and I went to the doctor for my 20 week ultrasound.  What should have been an exciting visit, finding out the gender of our little baby, didn't turn out that way.  As soon as we saw the ultrasound screen, we knew something was wrong.  There was no movement.  The baby was hunched over and there was no heartbeat.  Our hearts sank.  I had a feeling something might have be wrong because I felt small for this being my sixth baby.  Still nothing could have prepared me for the sad news.

I cried, like I haven't cried in years.  The doctor hugged me and told me how sorry she was.  Paul held me.  I didn't want to believe it.  I had just heard the baby's heartbeat at 17 weeks.  I had planned in my head what it was going to like to have another baby around the house.  What it would be like for Max to have a little brother or sister just 2 years younger.  I had thought of the timing of the baby's birth and how it would be right around Ava's 1st Communion and how we were going to plan for that.  We bought a new van in preparation for our growing family.  Now everything was changing.

The doctor told us that most of the time when a baby dies this far along in the pregnancy that it is often something chromosomal that caused it...out of our control.  She told me that it was nothing I could have prevented.  That God must have had other plans for this little soul.  She told us that I would have to deliver the baby, but we could decide when we wanted to do that.  Paul and I talked it over and decided it would be best to deliver the baby before Christmas.

Then we had to tell the kids.  Paul wanted to wait a day or two to tell them because the next day they had their Christmas parties at school and it was a big day of celebration, but they knew I was having the ultrasound that day and I knew I wouldn't be able to hide my tears.  I don't think the little girls fully grasped the situation, but Rose and Ava had a harder time.  Rose said she didn't want to tell people at school because she didn't want to cry at school.  I told them to wait until after Christmas break to tell people, that way we would have a name for the baby and the initial shock would be over.

Ava added the sad face and the word 'gone' to a family picture she had drawn a couple days before.

That weekend we were supposed to go to Pokagon and Scheele Christmas, but Paul just ended up taking the girls and I stayed home with Max.  I just didn't have it in me.  I didn't want to be an emotional wreck or make others feel awkward for not knowing what to say to me.  Rose kept saying, "Why did this have to happen at Christmas?"  I didn't know what to tell her, except that Christmas celebrations were happy distractions from the sadness.

We went in Monday morning, December 21st, at 6am to deliver the baby.  At that time we still did not know if it was a boy or a girl.  They gave me medicine starting at 7:30 and again every 4 hours until the baby came.  It took 3 doses before my body was ready.  At 9:40pm, I finally delivered the baby.  It was a boy.  (The tears came a little stronger, knowing Max would have had a little brother.)  The nurse wrapped him up in a blanket and handed him to me.  He was perfect.  All his little toes and fingers.  He even had fingernails!  He was so tiny.  Only 7 ounces.  Through my tears I even laughed that he had Paul's upper lip!  I couldn't believe how perfectly formed he was at 18 weeks.  He would have still had 22 weeks to grow until he was full term.  God's design is truly amazing!

We thought long and hard about his name.  We wanted it to have some meaning.  We chose Dominic after St. Dominic Savio who was a child saint....just like our little boy.  It is also a family name (my brother Luke's middle name and my nephew Will's middle name) and my aunts are Dominican sisters (different St. Dominic, but still the same name).

After we held him for a while, the nurse took him to take some momento pictures for us.  Our nurse could not have been sweeter to us.  She let us choose whatever was comfortable for us and was so loving.  She brought Dominic back after she finished his pictures and left him in the room next to me for the night.  I just wanted to be near him.

Physically I was in no pain after the delivery, so they sent us home the next morning around 10. They gave us so many momentos that I will cherish forever...his handprints, a tiny name bracelet, the beautiful crocheted blanket that he was wrapped in, a teddy bear for each of our kids, the tiniest outfit I've ever seen...amongst other things.  I bought a beautiful box to put everything so I can get it out to look at things whenever I want.

On Wednesday, December 23rd, we buried little Dominic at the Lebanon Cemetery next to my Grandpa and Grandpa Titus, my dad's sister Ruth Ann (who died at 3 months old), and my baby sister Rose, who also died about halfway through the pregnancy.  My grandparents, my parents, Paul's parents, and our kids joined us for a short burial service led by Fr. David Rasner, my Dad's best friend.

There was a beautiful white vault that Dominic was placed in for the burial, with a casket inside.  

My mom took pictures to help us remember.

The girls all carried their "Dominic bear" to the burial.

It was another hard day, but I am so grateful to have a place to go with the kids to remember him.

We have felt so loved by everyone around us with all the prayers, dinners, cards, gifts, and support through this tough time.  What a blessing to be surrounded by family and such a wonderful community! Thank you to all of you who have been thinking of us.

We are doing better. It still makes me sad, thinking of what would have been. But I know that everyone needs to go through some sort of suffering to get to Heaven.  I feel that this is part of our suffering.  We pray to our little St. Dominic every day and talk about him with our kids.  We hope to be with him again some day in Heaven.  I know he already has family up there holding him and loving him for us.

Our little Saint Dominic, pray for us!

Day in My Life 2015: Thursday

This morning's routine was very similar to yesterday's with maybe a little more whining about socks and shoes not fitting just right, but otherwise about the same.

After Paul and the big girls left and I snuggled with Max and Ella, I finished up the blog post about yesterday and checked a few emails.  Then I fed them breakfast and we headed upstairs to get ready for the day.

We left the house around 10, stopped at Chick Fila to indulge in their monthly offer of a free medium iced coffee, then headed to Once Upon A Child to look for pants for Max.  We didn't have much time because I had Kindergarten pick up, so we left around 10:40 to get to school by 10:45 when the kids are let out.

I dropped Isaac and Lucy off at Lisa Conway's for the preschool Thanksgiving feast, then headed to my parents' house.  My mother is kind enough to let us hang out there some afternoons so I can use her treadmill while Max naps.

Luke came home from Purdue for part of the day because he had an orthodontist appointment, so we chatted with him and my mom for a few minutes before they headed out the door.  I fed the kids lunch, put Max to bed, then walked on my mom's treadmill for about 45 minutes.  Lucky for me, she had a lot of magazines for me to read while I walked, which helped the time go by faster.

 

The girls played in the basement making all sorts of messes but they were playing so well that I let it go.  I ate some lunch, then did a little online Christmas shopping before Max woke up and Luke and my mom came home.  We chatted for a bit, the girls cleaned up their mess, then we headed out the door at 10 till 3 to go pick up Rose and Ava.

When we got home after school, the girls unpacked their backpacks, changed, had a snack, and helped keep an eye on Max while I jumped in the shower.  A little after 4, they brought Max up to me and headed out the door to the neighbor's again.  Madeline and Ella and their friend came over around 4:30 to play at our house.  Max tries to tag along with them, which sometimes goes over well, but sometimes not so much.   Things were getting crazy around 5:20, so I sent Cate home and had Madeline and Ella clean up their mess.  Rose and Ava got home at 5:30 and started on their homework.

Paul walked in a little before 6 and I got dinner started...just easy grilled sandwiches tonight.  After dinner, we prayed our decade of the rosary, the girls started their kitchen jobs, and I headed out the door a little after 7 to go to my monthly neighborhood Bunco get together.  I never win anything, but now that it's colder outside, it's really the only time I see my neighbors!

I got home around 10:30 and sat and chatted with Paul for a bit before we headed to bed around 11.  As I walked upstairs, I saw that Madeline had put her bears to bed too...so sweet.

And that's just another day in the Klinker household.

Day in My Life 2015: Wednesday

My day started at 6:40 am when my alarm went off.  I rolled out of bed, and went to wake up the 3 big girls.  This morning, Paul was already downstairs making eggs and Ella was chatting with him while she colored at the kitchen table.  To keep the girls on schedule, I give them until 7 am to eat breakfast, then send them upstairs to get dressed while I sign their assignment notebooks.  Around 7:15, they trailed back downstairs, and we did hair, got lunches, and packed up backpacks.  They headed out the door around 7:25 so Paul could take them to school.

After the big kids left, the two littles and I snuggled in the rocking chair to watch Mickey Mouse.  Max with his bottle of milk and me with my green tea.  This is our every day routine and they know it.  I love that time with them.  After two shows, I fed Ella and Max breakfast then we headed upstairs to get dressed and ready for our day.

Max entertained himself while I got myself ready.

I cleaned up the kitchen and got the carseats put back in the car (we had a rental yesterday), then we headed out with just enough time to fulfill my guilty pregnancy craving...McDonalds sausage mcmuffin (I know...terribly unhealthy, but what baby wants, baby gets :)...before Max's 18 month well-check at 10am.  We were in and out pretty quickly and everything looked good and healthy.  Couldn't have asked for a better visit.

Mollie did Kindergarten pick up today, so I called her as I was leaving the doctor and since I needed to run to Walmart and so did she, she just brought Madeline to Walmart and we did the kid-tradeoff there.

We got home from Walmart around 11:45. Max fell asleep on the car ride home, so I carried him to bed, unloaded the groceries, then fixed the other two girls lunch.  Paul walked in around 12:15 and sat to eat lunch with us.  It's always nice to see him in the middle of the day.  

After lunch, I sent the girls upstairs for quiet time while I threw a load of laundry in, then finished wrapping the Christmas books with a cheesy Hallmark Christmas movie playing in the background.  Max woke up a little after 2, so I fed him lunch, then helped Madeline practice her sight words.  

 

At 2:55, we loaded in the van to pick up Rose and Ava from school.  We were home by 3:20, when star of the day (Madeline) brought in the mail, and everyone unpacked their backpacks and had a snack.  Rose's friend called her, so she chatted for a few minutes before the neighbor girls were knocking at our door.  After they cleaned up their snacks, Madeline did her kitchen job, and Rose practiced her spelling words, the girls ran out to play.  Left by himself, Max begged for his "ba-ba" (bottle of milk) and pointed to the tv, so I turned on Mickey for him while I made some honey beer bread for dinner and finished cleaning up the kitchen after snack.

 

The girls came back home from their friend's at 5:30.  Rose and Ava started their homework and Madeline and Ella cleaned up their things on the main floor while I finished making dinner.

Paul walked in a little before 6, then we sat down to dinner.  After a nice quiet, mannerly meal (ha, ha), the girls did their kitchen jobs, got ready for bed, packed lunches, and finished their homework.

Around 7:45, everyone headed upstairs to read a Thanksgiving book, say evening prayers, and get

 in bed.  We let them read on their own until 8:30, when I tuck everyone in and sing them a song.

We put Max to bed in a pack in play in our room so Paul could try to finish painting his room.  I headed downstairs for an evening snack and to check my emails while catching up on my Wednesday evening shows.  Paul joined me around 9:30 and we watched an episode of White Collar before heading to bed around 10:30.  We've been better about going to bed at a decent time since I've been pregnant :)

And that is a pretty typical day in the Klinker household.  I'm cherishing our pretty laid back evenings right now because before I know it, we will be chauffering our kids around here and there and everywhere.